


Empathy

by EnvelopesYou



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Bad Parenting, Bullying, Cute Kids, F/M, Gen, Judaism, Sad with a Happy Ending, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:03:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6368473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnvelopesYou/pseuds/EnvelopesYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The things the other kids have, you just didn't. You thought you understood. Tried to understand. Danny tried even more than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little drabble! Catch more like it at the envelopesyou tumblr!

She wasn’t coming.  
He wasn’t coming.   
No one was there to pick you up. Again. Still, you held out hope. Hope that you wouldn’t have to walk home. That someone would show up with a car. Get you something warm to eat. Take you home. Read you a story. _Anything_. Anything other than...

The last of the other kids had left some time ago, parents all having come and gone with them in their cars. The only ones left were the few boys that hung out at the playground. But they’d go home soon, too. Walk, you guessed. They must have not lived very far from the school. Not like you did. Too many blocks to count, yet you knew them all well by now. You had to. No one had come to take you home for months. It was why you felt stupid waiting. You knew no one was coming. Yet you waited anyway. Until the sun was almost about to start going down. So that it’d be dark just before you found your way to an empty house.

They worked. Hard. Had to, you guessed. Sometimes late at night when you couldn’t sleep you’d hear them screaming at each other. About money. Bills, they said. How much they could _put_ _off_ before things started _**shutting off**._ The big one was always the electricity. Your dad had yelled at you thousands of times not to forget to turn the light off in the bathroom. In your room. They couldn’t afford all that electricity. You weren’t sure how much it costed. More than they had, it felt like. At least with the way they shouted when you were supposed to be sleeping.

“Hey, um...” The boys had all run away laughing as you were thinking to yourself. Thinking about how much longer you should sit on the steps of the school. But one of them had stayed. Was rubbing his arm. Looking down at you. “Are you okay?”

This boy was Danny. A nice kid. Got along well with everyone. Even the teachers. You hadn’t really talked to him much, though. “Yeah.” Trying not to be defensive.

He frowned. “It’s just.. you’re always sitting out here. Everyone’s starting to think you live at the school.” The way he said this, he must have thought it was a little funny. When you didn’t answer, “...you don’t, right?”

“No.” This one was harder. No you didn’t live at the school. That was dumb.

He shuffled his feet, kicking at the dirt. “Aren’t your parents going to come get you?” Because if you were sitting out there waiting, like the other kids did when school was out, chances were you were waiting to be picked up. He might not have understood but he wasn’t stupid. And if your parents _weren’t_ coming then you should have been walking home by now.

“No.” You said again, avoiding looking up at him. Then you pulled your backpack up your shoulders and stood so suddenly that it seemed to scare him. He moved back, hands up. You needed to start walking home. No one was coming.

Though he waited for a moment, watching you as you walked down the side of the big hill, he took up the spot beside you. “Do you live far?” You weren’t sure why he was bothering you. You just knew that he _was_.

“Leave me alone.” Kids were already talking, weren’t they? That you lived at school. So stupid. You didn’t know that you could trust him. Even if you could, you didn’t know what to say. Nothing. There was nothing to say. So you wanted him to leave you alone. Simple.

Just that he seemed not to get it. “Do you live _really_ far?” Was he going to tell everyone that you waited until they were all gone and then walked home until midnight? Probably. Something stupid.

“Just go away!” You tried to pick up the pace and out-walk him, not wanting to take off into a run. What would the point of that be? But you wanted him to get the idea that you wanted him to stop.

He just seemed not to want to understand. His speed increased, too. “I can- you know I can ask my mom if she’ll give you a ride home... if it’s far..” He sounded... sad, then. Shy, maybe. You didn’t understand why. Couldn’t understand why.

Every single part of you wanted to say yes. You didn’t want to walk home until after dark. You didn’t want to walk home at all.

You wanted someone to come get you.  
But no one ever came.

A wash of shame and hurt poured over you, so much so that your eyes started stinging with tears. You tried to walk even faster, pressing your hands over your face. “Just go away! Leave me alone!” You couldn’t cry in front of him. He’d tell _everyone_. But there you were. Doing it anyway. Crying and running. Neither of which seemed to be doing you much good.

When you came to a stop and crouched down, hiding your face in your knees, he came to a stop beside you. He stayed quiet. At least he didn’t say anything. But through your sniffles you heard him squatting down next to you, bookbag falling off his shoulders. You didn’t feel like telling him to leave again. He clearly didn’t get it. “I...” His voice sounded watery, then, you heard it. Like he- like he was crying too. “I um... we can go to my house.. I have- ...I have a NES.” He seemed like he didn’t know what to say. “Do you like video games? I’m getting really good at Punch-Out. You ever play it? And I have- um... Mario- too, so...”

Why was he talking to you about video games? Why was he bothering you like this? Why wouldn’t he just _go away_! “I can’t get a Nintendo.” You’d asked. They’d just told you to wait for Santa. And then Santa hadn’t gotten you one either. You sniffled your way to trying to stop crying, rubbing your face on your jeans while you still sat there.

“Oh.” He said simply. “You can- play mine- if you wanna come over.. De- my mom’s making lasagna for dinner...” He was making plans. Offering so much to you. For no reason. “Will- ...will your parents be mad if you come play with me?”

Your parents wouldn’t care. They wouldn’t be home until you were supposed to be asleep anyway. Hours and hours from now. It was why no one ever came to pick you up. They worked hard. You tried not to hold it against them. Electricity wouldn’t pay for itself, after all...

So you shook your head, still hiding against your knees. “No.” Broken sounding as it came out of you and that was when you heard him sniffling, too. So you looked up. Looked at his eyes and the tear tracks staining down his cheeks. But he was smiling, or at least trying. “Why’re _you_ crying?” Asked as you dug your heels into your eyes to try and make it stop.

“Because you’re sad.”

You _were_ sad. But what did that have to do with him? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Had anyone ever cried because you were crying? ...sometimes, when your parents cried- when your mom cried.. you did, too... but that was _different._

“I don’t want you to be sad.” He offered next, still smiling, tears still dripping down the side of his face.

“That’s stupid.” You said finally but this seemed to tickle him because he just giggled at it. You weren’t sure if you were mad- “You’re stupid!” Then he laughed again and somehow... somehow you found yourself smiling.

“Okay! So! I’m stupid! So what? Like I didn’t know!” Giggling _still_. And suddenly you were, too. He stood when he could catch his breath, offering his hand to you. And since you didn’t know what else to do, you took it. He pulled you to your feet, slipping his fingers in between yours. And you felt- _weird_. But... “Punch-Out is hard, you know. But I’m a pro. I’ll show you all the secrets!”

You didn’t get it. Didn’t get him. Felt weird. Weird but something else. And then scared as he took you up the steps of his house, opened the door, called for someone- like you did. But no one was ever home. Except in _his_ house, his mom, you guessed, came out of the kitchen and smiled. “Hey- this is my friend- her parents- um...” He kicked his foot against the floor.

Didn’t know how to explain it for you. You took your hand out of his. Didn’t know how to explain it yourself. “They’re at work...” The best you could think of. Because it was true.

He looked up at his mother. “She lives a long way away. Can she stay for dinner? Pl _lleeaas_ eee?”

His mom reached out to take him in a hug. Something that had you looking away again. Something that made you feel like you wanted to cry again. “Of course, Danny.” She had a gentle voice. Loving. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

Then you realized she was talking to you, so you tried to swallow everything back. Looked up at her. Because that was polite. “___.” You gave as quickly as you could manage. Almost as if you’d forgotten your own name.

“___.” She reached out and you shied back, but when her hand landed atop your head, soothing over your head, you felt... better. “You two go ahead upstairs and play.”

“Mn-thank you...” Shaking just a little. Scared that she might tell him to send you away if you said the wrong thing. Did the wrong thing.   
You didn’t want to walk home...   
No one would be there.

Danny took your hand again, pulling you upstairs, down another short hall and into his room. He threw his backpack into the corner and turned on his TV. He had a TV in his room! You could hardly believe it. You sat down on the floor and he pushed a controller into your hands. Like the one you’d seen in the commercials. The little rectangle box thing with the buttons. Then he turned the game on and a chipper tune filled the air. _Super Mario Bros_ came in over the screen. “You can play this one- watch out for the Goombas! I have to pee.”

“Okay-“ He turned to leave once you answered him but you had to stop him. “Danny!” When he turned back, tilting his head in question, you half hid behind your knees again. “Thanks...”

Then he smiled. “Yeah! You’re welcome.”

Everything felt right. Sort of. You worried that you might get in trouble when you finally _did_ get home. Whenever that was. And now you’d definitely have to walk after dark. But this was nice, too. Just as you were figuring out the controls, you heard him talking in the hallway- to someone else. His dad, it sounded like.

Something about you.  
Dinner.  
Stay for the night.   
...and that no one ever came to pick you up.  
Never.  
Not once.

“Sure, Dan. Just be sure that she calls _eehhh_... home, okay? Don’t want her to get in any _uuuhh_.. trouble.”

“Thanks!”

He bounded back into the room and you jerked the controller up to your face, pretending to not have heard any of that. Then he sat down beside you, happily so, and when you died to that turtle again for the second time you handed it over to him. “Here. I’m not very good.”

He just smiled. “I can teach you. It’s all in the timing- see-“ Then he started humming along to the music, moving the little man- Mario, you supposed, across the screen. You watched the TV, watched him play, but also watched him, too, out of the corner of your eye. And you noticed he was doing the same thing.

And when you _both_ realized he turned to look at you. “It’s okay, you know. You can come over all the time. My folks said so.”

You didn’t know what to do with this. Didn’t know what to do with Danny. Or his NES. Or his parents. Or dinner. Or having someone to talk to instead of walking home until it was after dark and trying to get into the cabinets to eat some crackers or put together a sloppy PB&J. Watching the TV with the static in it before going to bed. Waking up to hear the shouting-

“Okay.”

Didn’t know what to do with any of it at all. You’d figure it out. Maybe. Eventually.

All you really knew was the next day at school...

Someone came to take you home.  
It might not have been your parents. And it might not have been to your own home. And when you finally _did_ explain it to your parents they seemed totally fine with it. You couldn’t say why- but then... you didn’t really care.

Because Danny came.  
That day, the next, and every one after it.

Picked you up. Walked you to his house. Played games with you until dinner. And then his mom would come in and read a story before the two of you fell asleep.

And it was everything you’d ever dreamed of.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By request here's a second chapter! Thank you lovelies so much for enjoying the story!

The next couple months you tried to hold on to every moment, every smile, every giggle. Scared that you’d wake up and it’d all be over. For once in your life you were excited to go to school. To get to be with Danny, to get to go home to people that actually seemed happy to see you. That didn’t yell about the lights or how long you left the water running when you brushed your teeth. That let you watch a little TV after dinner, so long as the homework was done, and- _dinner_. Warm, great food. A bed that you shared, but happily so. Glad to be snuggled up to something other than a bear that you suddenly realized never _actually_ held you back, no matter how hard you’d pretended.

It was over a long three-day weekend that your mom finally asked a couple of questions- but not really ones you understood. Things like, “What’s the house like?” to which you could only really say, “Nice.” because it was. It was a _nice_ house. Inviting. Just like them. And then she asked, “Do you know what his parents do?” and you just shrugged, because you didn’t. And then your father asked, “How many cars are in the driveway?” and you shrugged again before mumbling out, “Two I think...” the cars that they picked you up with sometimes. Drove you and Danny to in the mall. Or out somewhere for lunch. Then they played another number game. “How many TVs do they have?” and without realizing it you excitedly said, “Danny has one in his room! And a NES!” because that _was_ exciting. It had blown you away, but now you were just sort of getting used to it-

At least you had been. But every time you came home there was a break in it all. Something you thankfully didn’t have time to really think about, because your parents kept asking you these weird questions. “What does his mom dress like? Does she have a lot of jewelry?”  
“Where do they take you when you go out?”  
“Does his daddy wear suits and ties?”  
“Does his mommy stay home or does she work, too?”  
“How many rooms are in the house?”  
“Does the house have two levels? Three?”

This endless questioning that you couldn’t understand. If they wanted to see all this stuff, couldn’t they just go over and have lunch? You tried to ask, but shied back when they gave you an angry and tired look. The same look they always wore. So you pressed your hands together in your lap and put your head down. You didn’t like this. You wanted to be with Danny.

Then your mom said something else. But this time, it wasn’t about Danny or his parents. “Your grades are better.” The tone she used was foreign coming out of her mouth, but you recognized it solely because Danny’s mom had often spoken it with you. When she told you how great your drawing of a unicorn was- and then put it on her fridge. When she told you how amazing it was that you solved that super hard multiplication problem.

“Yeah- when I came home the other day and showed Mrs. Avidan my A+ on the science test she-“

“That is **not** your home.” Your father put his hand hard down on the table, causing you to jump. Made you stop talking.

Your hands crushed harder together. “I’m sorry...” The only thing you knew how to do. The only thing that might help. You _were_ sorry. He **was** right. That wasn’t your home. This was your home. You stared hard at the floor. Silence loomed.

Thankfully for not too long, the phone ringing breaking the edge. Your dad shoved himself away from the table and stomped over to it, picking it up off the wall. “ _What_?” That was always how he answered the phone. Never _hello_. Not like Dan’s dad. “___.” Then he said your name with that same angry tone and you looked up. He held it out for you.

Carefully you excused yourself down off the chair and came over, leaning up to take it from him in your hands. “H-hello?” Scared. So scared.

“Hey!” Danny’s happy voice invaded your worry. “We were gonna go catch a movie! You wanted to go see Beetlejuice, right?” When the commercials for it had come on, you’d thought Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis had looked so gorgeous together. And Winona Ryder had looked so out of this world cool!

“I-“ Yes. You had wanted to see that movie for the longest time. But now your parents were staring at you. Listening. Waiting for something.

Danny giggled. “Don’t worry if you’re scared! I think it’ll be okay!”

You cupped your hand over the mouthpiece and looked up at your dad, still standing there. Hands on his hips. Bending in over you. “Mn...” It was never like this. You never had to really ask. They were at work and you just went places with him and never worried about your parents. “I-...” Quivering from head to toe in an unstoppable shake. “D-Danny wants to go to the movies-“

“Does he now? Well we’re not paying for it.” Your dad sounded even angrier.

“No- I... he’s gonna take me..” They always took you. Always included you. Without a thought. The first time you’d shown up there they’d just welcomed you- ...welcomed you _home_.

“Oh is he? Well it must be nice to have all this-“ Whatever your father wanted to say he stopped when your mom snapped her hand up and over to hit his arm. Something that made you shrink in on yourself. Nervous. You didn’t like it when she hit him like that. Mostly because it didn’t help.

“You can go.” She said after a moment and you felt an easy relief that she quickly stole away. “Can you just ask him to pick you up here, so we can finally speak with his parents face to face?”

This seemed like a bad idea. A terrible idea. You suddenly thought that if you let that happen they’d do something _awful_. They’d scare Danny’s mom and dad away. Scare him away. Make them not like you anymore. Tears prickled in your eyes before spilling over. “I don’t-“ You didn’t want to. You didn’t even want to go to the movies anymore if it meant saving them from that.

“Oh- you don’t wanna _what_ , ___? What’re you crying for?” Your dad bore down on you harder.

“___?” Danny’s voice was no longer happy. Now he sounded sad again as he called out for you.

Your mom reached out but you put yourself further into the wall. Even still she persisted, touching the top of your head. It wasn’t at all like how it felt when Danny’s mom did it. “Don’t cry, honey. You wanna go, right?” She waited for you to answer and when you didn't she asked harder. “You want to go to the movies, baby, don’t you?” Sweetening up her tone in those last few words. You just dumbly nodded. Yes you did want to go. You wanted to go more than anything.

Because you didn’t want to be here.

“Here,” She took the phone out of your hands. “Hello- yes this is her mother.” You stood there, frowning, scared to death. Scared she’d upset him. Hurt him. Say something mean to him. “She can go, but can you please ask your parents to come pick her up here? We just want to have a little chat with them.” It was out of your hands now. So far gone. They were going to hurt him. His parents. They wouldn’t want you around anymore. “Okay. Thank you.” Then she handed it to your father who slammed it back down on the hook. “Go get dressed, honey, they’ll be here in ten minutes.”

Whatever they did, you thought then, once you were away, you could fix it. Apologize. Apologize over and over and over again. And with that thought you pushed away from the wall and went to your room. “Brush your hair, sweetie, you look like a rat!” Your mother called to you as you started pulling through your drawers. You looked up into the mirror, putting your hands on your head, trying to smooth your hair down.

It didn’t matter what you wore. You never cared about that. Danny never cared about that. So you threw on a plain pink shirt and some dark blue overalls. Mismatched socks and your falling-apart sneakers. Good enough. But you still tried to fix your hair a couple more times before you heard their car pull up front. Part of you thought you could be sly and run outside before they got a chance, but even if you did that, when you came back next, they’d just be mad at you.

Instead your mom grabbed your hand tightly in hers and walked you outside. Danny tumbled out of the car from the backseat and came over to you, giving you that tight hug he always did- maybe just a little bit tighter this time. You couldn’t focus on him though. So you didn’t return it. Not when your dad was looking at you. Not when your mom was smiling at his mom in that _way_ that she did. That way that made you uncomfortable.

“Dan-“ His dad was calling to him. “Go, _ehm_ , go play for a minute.” Something strange was happening. You didn’t like it. You didn’t know what it was, but you _didn’_ t like it.

Danny’s hand slipped into yours and he took you away from the car, down a couple paces away from the house and to the little pond that all the other kids that lived in the area played in. The tadpoles had just started to hatch. Squiggling around in the water. You couldn’t hear them anymore but you could see your parents talking. His parents talking. Yours looked smiley. His didn’t.

They were ruining everything.

You collapsed like you always did. Crouching to the ground, hiding your face in your jeans. Crying. Always crying. You didn’t want to not be with him anymore. You didn’t want to not see him anymore. See his parents anymore. Eat warm dinner anymore or play video games. It was all going away.

He huddled in front of you, his knees touching yours. “Don’t cry, ___.” When he said this, you heard the sound of him doing the exact same thing. Sniffling in time with you. “They’re gonna try and help.” You didn’t know what this meant. Couldn’t possibly understand. Because they’d helped enough already. What more could they do?

You ended up shaking your head. “They’re gonna make you go away.” Whining against legs. “They kept asking about your mom and dad- I don’t think they _like_ them. But I like them. And I don’t wanna not see you anymore. I don’t wanna have to sit and wait at the school and walk home and-“

His arms came around you. You hadn’t heard him move, but he was there at your side. Holding you to him. “I don’t think my mom and dad like your mom and dad.” You had no idea how he could think this, even if you knew it was probably true. Had no idea how they knew anything about your parents, but it _still_ had to be true. Because... because.. you didn’t like them very much either. “They heard your dad yellin’ at you on the phone. -but- but they’re gonna fix it. So...” You just felt ashamed. Scared. “Don’t cry...”

“Don’t tell me not to cry when you’re crying.” You leaned against him. wiping your nose on the back of your sleeve. You looked over at him. This time he wasn’t smiling. “Why do you always cry?”

“I don’t want you to be sad.” He whined this out, frowning deeply at you.

You frowned back. “ _Why_?” He’d done this the first time, too. Cried with you. Didn’t want you to be sad.

“I dunno...” He said, almost helplessly. His head pressed against yours and he squeezed you tighter. “I- I dunno- I like you, ___. I like it when you smile and you’re happy.” Finally he smiled himself then. “And I like it when you don’t live at the school and you live with me instead.” His giggles were watery. But they were still nice to hear.

You pushed at his arm, though not with enough force to make him let go. You didn’t want that. “I don’t live at the school you dope.” Giggles leaked out of you, too, because that was stupid. He knew you didn’t.

But it got the two of you to start laughing with each other and stop crying. And it was nice. “Danny! ___!” His parents were calling- _his_ parents were calling. Not just for him. But for **you** , too. You looked up, saw them standing at the lip of your driveway. Your parents were nowhere to be seen.

He jumped to his feet, putting his hand in yours and grabbing you hard up to stand and then ran with you back over to them. Ran so hard that the both of you were panting by the time you got away from the field with the pond and the little black tadpoles swimming around. His mom reached over, soothing her hand over your hair. “Come on, we’ll miss the movie.”

You looked up at her, eyes still wet. Scared. Confused. “Is it okay?”

She just smiled back. “Yes, it’s okay.” You weren’t sure _what_ was okay. The movie. You. Your parents. Any of it. But that she was saying so was enough for you.

It was okay. His mom and dad still liked you. Still wanted you around.

Danny’s hand squeezed yours and he grinned. “See I told you.” Grinned that big dumb grin of his.

But you looked away from him, back up at his mom. His dad. “Thank you...” You didn’t know what they meant. Didn’t know what was okay. Didn’t know what they did. But your parents weren’t out there. Weren’t anywhere to be seen. And you were going to the movies with Danny.

That was more than enough reason to thank anyone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please observe the updated tags! There are some mean kids afoot...

Things changed after the movie. You went out for dinner. And then ice cream. And then you went home- not to your angry, sour-faced parents, but _home_. With Danny, and his lovely, happy parents. You stopped going back to your own house after that. No more trading off on the weekends and hoping to make it through to the next school week. You just sort of seemed to stay with Danny all the time. Though you thought to ask why, why his parents didn’t bring you back to your house instead, or why your parents never called, you didn’t. You just didn’t. You didn’t miss them, so why ask? Instead you were happy. They bought you some new clothes. And some new sparkly sneakers. Talked very briefly about getting you another bed instead of sharing one with Dan- but they never followed through. At least not yet. And you were grateful.

You were happy.

Then he got sick. Not a terrible, awful kind of sick. You thought you could tell the difference. He seemed to be okay- just very itchy. Scratchy. And his parents didn’t seem like they were nervous. But they separated the two of you. Told you not to go near him, or else you’d get itchy, too. So you spent the next couple of days that weekend on the couch instead. Which was okay. It was better than your bed at your old house. Even if you couldn’t cuddle up next to Danny. The only problem was he wasn’t allowed to go to school with you on Monday. And you’d never felt more alone.

Before leaving he lent you his copy of The Last Unicorn. Said it was his new favorite thing in the whole world. Wanted you to read it. You liked unicorns, too, so you took it. Deciding to start reading it at lunch when you’d miss him the most. When the two of you usually sat with your other friends- friends you realized then were more _his_ friends, and not so much yours. Because when you tried to sit down at their table with your lunch tray, they scattered. It didn’t make you feel very good but... that was okay. You had Danny’s book.

At recess you decided not even to try and play with them. It was okay if they didn’t want to play with you. The unicorn was leaving her forest for the first time- and you found yourself immersed. You didn’t miss Danny so much then, instead picturing him right beside you as you read.

“Hey loser.” A pair of feet had stopped just in front of you. The girl was obviously talking to you. But you didn’t feel much like looking at her. Or talking back to her. “I said **hey loser**.” She said again in a very bratty tone of voice and finally you relented.

Looked up at her. Realized very suddenly that there were a handful of girls around staring at you. “What?” What now? What did she want? Her name was Amber. And she was most decidedly not a nice girl.

Her lips curved into a mean smile. “Hah! You looked when I called you loser!” Her hands went to her hips as she snickered at you, and an echo of whispery laughs followed in her wake. “Where’s Danny?”

Your shoulders rolled up in a shrug and you _almost_ decided to try and ignore her. Get back to reading. But that just wouldn’t do you any good. She’d just keep teasing you. “He’s sick.”

“Why’re you asking her?” Another one of the girls, Janie, asked.

“Oh didn’t you hear?” Amber’s tone stretched and she put one hand up. “Dan’s mom and dad adopted ___.” Your eyebrows shot right up. Was that- ...was that what they’d done?

How on earth could she even know that- if it were true. It didn’t feel like it was true. And yet.. well. You hadn’t gone home, had you? You sort of just lived with Danny and his folks now. Maybe- ..maybe it was. But.. You stood suddenly, clutching the book at your side. “How do you know that?” Demanding.

She grinned. “Oh- well my mom heard it from Janie’s mom who heard it from Tammy’s mom who talked to Danny’s mom at the nail salon.” Then she did the worst thing. She started circling you. Making you feel very nervous. But- ...what she was saying- that was a long chain of people. But someone had talked to Dan’s mother? And she’d said she’d adopted you? That was- ....was that true? “Yeah-“ Amber continued, pushing your shoulder hard. “Said she and Dan went right up to your _cage_ at the _**pound**_ and you just looked so pathetic they had to adopt you!!”

Suddenly the playground was full of laughter. Laughter directed at you. You felt red. “That’s not true!” You didn’t live at the pound. Just like you hadn’t lived at school.  
You wished Danny was there to protect you.

Amber pushed your shoulder again. “You’re a mangy mutt!” Her laughter turned into high pitched shrieking. The other kids were pointing at you. “I bet he’s not here because you gave him **fleas**!!!” If at all possible her giggling grew harsher.

“I didn’t give him fleas!” You just kept shouting at her, felt your chin quivering as your lower lip jutted out. Felt the threat of tears just on the verge. But you didn’t want to cry.  
Danny wouldn’t be there to cry with you.

“Hey at least maybe he’ll give you a bath once a week you dirty mutt!” Choruses of _yeah she’s dirty!_ echoed all around you. “I bet he takes you for walks, too! And you pee on his rugs! Sleep on the floor at night!”

“Have you seen the way Dan’s mom _pets_ her when she picks her up?!” Someone chimed in finally and this turned Amber into a full on guffawing loon.

She shoved your shoulder harder. “You’re their pet! You’re their new dog!”

“Stop it stop it! I am not!” The tears spilled over your lashes as you stomped your foot.

“Listen to her howl! **Arrrooooo**!” More sounds like it were screamed at you.

“Are you gonna bite me doggy? They’ll put you down you know! Dogs don’t have souls- too! You’ll go straight to hell!” Amber pushed you one last time- and this time you pushed her back and the crowd stopped laughing. She stumbled a little, but you weren’t one of the bigger kids. Not like her. She looked angry then. And she reached out with both hands to push you much harder.

You lost your balance, tripping over your brand new sneakers, falling face first into the tree behind you. Pain welled up in your nose and warm snot- you guessed- trickled down your mouth. The kids went absolutely silent then for a few seconds, followed by hissing. Murmurs of _you’re in trouble_. When you pressed yourself up you reached a hand to your nose, and when you turned back to the kids they gasped. Dark and scared _**Oooo**_ ’s filled the park.

Blood. You were bleeding. All over your face. In your palm. You looked up at them. Amber seemed scared then. The kids all ran. Some shouts of ‘dirty mutt’ in their wake. Amber stayed back just a moment long enough to point at you and angrily tell you, “If you tell on me you’ll get it much worse than that!” and then she ran away, too.

And you just started wailing. A teacher finally came over, tried to coo at you. Asked you what happened. Picked up your book and took you with one hand to your shoulder, since she didn’t want to touch your bloody hands, hands that were still cupped over your mouth and nose anyway, to the nurse’s office. There that lady cooed and tried to soothe you, too. Cleaned you up- except for your shirt, she tried but she just couldn’t get the blood out of it. Let you lie down on a plastic uncomfortable bed in her office for a long while. The crying eventually stopped. She asked you if you wanted to go back to class.

You did not.  
So she let you stay.

Tried to ask you a few times what had happened. And you just mumbled out every time that you’d _fell_. Scared of what Amber might do if you tattled on her. Eventually the lady let it go and you found yourself drifting. Lying on your side, away from her.

Danny was awfully itchy. They’d made you leave him alone. Maybe you had given him fleas.  
Maybe they had adopted you as their new dog. Mrs. Avidan pet you all the time- that was true.  
Hell...

You cried softly to yourself. And when school was out and the nurse told you to go home you thought about walking all the way to the other house. Instead you waited in her office and she sighed and hummed to herself about that it was _getting late..._ but you didn’t want to walk with the other kids. Scared. Nervous. So you waited. And when you thought the coast was clear you grabbed Danny’s book and ran. Ran home.

Into the house. Empty. Which was unusual- and then ran straight up to his room. The door was shut so you sat against it. And cried. It took almost no time at all for him to open his door and come sit beside you. “What happened?” Shaking your shoulders.

“Amber pushed me- and- she said your parents adopted me because I’m a dog- and that dogs go to hell- and that I gave you _fleas_! I didn’t mean to give you fleas Danny!”

You looked up at him through your weeping, and for the first time he _wasn’t_ crying back. Maybe because it was all true. Instead he looked confused. “What? Slow down- I don’t- you didn’t give me fleas, silly!” He was trying to smile. And you looked at him. All the red welts. “This is chicken something. And they didn’t say you were a chicken, did they?”

Chicken something. That sounded dumb. But at least it wasn’t fleas. You pressed a hand to your eyes and shook your head. “No.. just a mangy mutt.”

“Well you’re not that either!” He sounded so sure. And so far, Danny had never lied to you. Not once. So you believed him. “You’re my best friend.” This stifled your sadness so quickly. Put it all to sleep for another day. “And hell- I don’t know about hell. What is that?”

“It’s the-“ What had your parents said... “It’s the place people go when they’re bad and they die. It’s like full of fire and other bad people and bad things and it hurts forever.” They said if you misbehaved and weren’t sorry that’s where you ended up.

He looked even more confused. “I don’t think we have that.” His face scrunched up. “I don’t think that’s real, ___.” Even though your parents had told you differently, even though the kids at school seemed to think differently, when Danny told you it was fake, you believed him about that, too. He looked like he was thinking about something then. “We can ask Rabbi Roubal at Hebrew School on Sunday, if you want.”

That was something that Danny did early in the morning on Sundays. You’d never really asked, he just said he’d had to go. He’d never asked if you wanted to- but that was because it was more school, and he didn’t want you to sit through _more school_. But... you’d sort of always wanted to go. Wanted to see what it was like. What he was learning. “Yeah.. okay...” Sniffling, pressing your hand over your eyes.

Sitting down next to you, he put an arm over your shoulders. You knew this was bad. You weren’t supposed to be close to him when he had- chicken whatever. Not fleas. But you didn’t care anymore. “Don’t worry about Amber. She’s a jerk. I would _never_ want her as a friend.” For some reason this made you feel so much better. Danny had picked you. And he would **never** pick her, apparently.

“She asked where you were.” That’s how it had all started. Maybe it was just so that she could call you a dog. But maybe she’d really wanted to know.

“Who cares?” He shrugged and you found yourself giggling softly. “She’s mean. I don’t like mean girls.” You looked up at him, the flow of tears stemming finally. “I like you.” He smiled at you.

“I like you too, Danny.” He got up, giving you his hand, pulling you up, too. “Where’s everyone?” Usually someone was home to greet you.

“D- Mom went out to get some more of that pink stuff. And oatmeal for the bath.” He always tried to say mom instead of her name. You weren’t sure why. You’d never asked. But that was okay. “Come on. Let’s play some Zelda while we wait.”

“Okay.”  Happy again.

And even when you caught chicken-something too, you didn’t care. Even if the itching was absolutely awful. At least you got to stay home with Danny and watch The Price Is Right instead of dealing with Amber and all her awful friends.

“Danny...” Murmured sleepily that night right before the both of you were about to fall under.

“Yeah?” A little less sleepily as he looked up at you from his spot on the pillow.

“You’re my best friend, too.” You smiled at him, and you saw when he smiled back. Reaching over to put his arm around your shoulders, so you put yours across his hip, burrowed closer to him. You were his best friend. Not a dog.

He liked you. And you liked him.  
Life was good. You were happy-  
...even if you were unbearably itchy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for some little kid introspection!

It took longer than a week for either of you to overcome the chicken-itchiness. Which was fine. It gave you some time to think about going with Danny to his extra schooling. His parents seemed confused at first- at least you guessed so, when Dan brought it up at dinner one night. Then they seemed pleasantly happy with the idea of letting you tag along. This apparently was not the same feeling from his teachers. While no one had told you strictly that you couldn’t go, you got the feeling that they didn’t want you to be there. Especially when the woman running the class looked at you strangely and told you, “It’s okay to wait outside, dear. Do you have something to do?” Being so out of place you just shuffled your feet and let her direct you out to the larger part of the church-

No. Not church. Church was the other thing. This was a _synagogue_ , Danny had said. It was pretty. Sort of like a church. Lots of places to sit. You’d only ever gone to church with your parents one or two times. It wasn’t something that had ever been a huge part of your life. At least the going part. But they’d tried to teach you about god- and that people went to heaven when they died- and that they went to hell when they were bad. That lying was bad. That stealing was bad. There were lots of bad things that would get you sent to hell. And when you went to church you prayed so that god would hear you- or... something like that. And that made you Christian- although some of the kids at school were Catholic, and it seemed the same. You didn’t know enough about how to tell them apart.

Danny was Jewish. Danny’s family was Jewish. You didn’t know _anything_ about that. But you wanted to. Wanted to be a part of it. Wanted to go to the extra school with him on Sundays. But they wouldn’t let you. Not yet. Maybe you could convince Mr. Roubal. He seemed like the man in charge- at least with the fact that Danny thought asking him about hell. If he had the answer to that he must have been important. Although Danny had told you it was _Rabbi_ Roubal, not _Mr_. Because Rabbi wasn’t his first name. When you’d told them that at dinner his dad had laughed at you. Not a mean laugh, like your parents could get sometimes. Just a laugh.

The synagogue was nice. It looked sort of like a church, even though it wasn’t. Lots of benches for people to sit on. A large front part where you guessed the person who led the prayer or whatever it was they did talked. Behind were beautiful large blue stained glass windows. The lights were set a little low, and there were a few people sitting up at the front benches talking with each other. All women. The mothers of the other kids here, you guessed. You and Danny had just walked. It wasn’t that far from his house. Just like the school. You picked up a spot in the back with Dan’s unicorn book. He’d given it to you just before you’d let them send you away so you’d have something to do. While you waited you opened to the last chapter and started reading quietly.

It was what happened after that that made you not so happy. Had you tossing and turning in bed with Danny that night. So much so that he’d turned on his side and left you alone.

When extra school had been over, Danny had come out and taken you by the hand to talk to Mr-Rabbi. Roubal. He was a big man with a large bushy gray beard and a wide smile. He sat behind a big desk that you could barely see over when you sat in the cushy chair in his office. Danny asked about hell, and he’d said that wasn’t a thing that existed- so Danny had been telling the truth. Then he said something about how that the fear of death isn’t what motivates Jews to live their lives. That the focus of Jewish boys and girls should be to live in the _here and now,_ he’d said. And to make this world a better place first. To take good care of one another here and be good people before going to the _world to come_. There was a word for this too, _Olm_ something but you didn’t quite get it, and were too scared to ask and make him stop talking.

It all sounded very nice. You liked it. Liked the idea of being good now. And you certainly liked the idea that when you died and if maybe sometimes you’d lied about something or you did a bad thing once you weren’t going to go straight to hell and suffer forever. It was a nice talk.

But then he’d sent Danny away. And you didn’t like it anymore. Once he was out of the room and the door was shut behind you, he looked at you over the desk, cupping his hands together. “Our little Dan has told us he worries for you quite a lot.” This you didn’t like. To think Danny had been talking about you to other people. ...even if it was good.. something about it felt strange. “He says you’re staying with his family now, is that right?” You couldn’t find your voice, so you nodded instead. “He said that you come from _some_ place bad. And that it scares him.”

Why wouldn’t he just tell you this? Why had Danny never said he was scared for you? Sad when you were sad, and happy when you were happy was one thing. But... it felt  strange. To know that he talked about you when you weren’t around. That he was _scared_ for you.

You didn’t know what to do with this information. You didn’t even know if he was asking you to answer him, or waiting for you to say something. So you just shrugged and looked down. This didn’t feel very good. “And I understand,” He continued, still smiling, but now you didn’t like his smile anymore. “that you’re interested in learning about Judaism. I think that’s wonderful- but I also think that you need to really examine yourself before you jump in.” Some of this went right over your head. “I think you’re a good girl, ___. But I also think that maybe you want to spend more time with Danny rather than actually transition towards Judaism.”

All you knew was that you wanted to go to extra school to ... do exactly what he was saying. Just be by Danny’s side. But- at the same time- “My mom and dad stopped taking me to church a really long time ago.” Talking slowly, trying to figure out what it was you wanted to say, but you felt like you had little time to do so. Like he was going to say no soon and that would be it. And while he was right he was also _wrong_. You just didn’t know how to explain _why_. “I- I liked going. I liked... I dunno..” Words failing you.

The sense of so many good people. The songs. Prayer. Thinking someone might hear you. You didn’t like hell. You knew that. But you liked so many other things- you just... you just couldn’t explain it. So you found yourself shrinking back. He was going to tell you no because you couldn’t think of the right thing to say. “We have a very long and rich heritage, ___. And it’s not something to be taken lightly. It’s not something to start doing just because Danny is doing it.”

You nodded to this because you didn’t know what else to do. He was right, you guessed. “I’m sorry...”

And then he laughed. “You don’t have to be sorry. I think that while you may not be ready yet, this is a wonderful possibility for you. You just have to know the difference. Find it within yourself. And if you then find yourself ready after that, I’d be happy to help you.” He stood and you pushed yourself off the chair. Then he came over and put a hand on your shoulder. “Do you think you can think on it for a week and come back with Danny and talk to me again?”

You looked up but didn’t actually look at his eyes. “Yes- I can do that.” Trying your best to be polite.

“Okay then. I look forward to seeing you next week.” He gave you a small pat and then sent you on your way.

Danny had asked what the two of you have talked about and you tried to tell him the best way that you could. That Mr. Roubal didn’t think you were ready to learn what Danny was learning. You left out the part about him telling you that Danny talked about you. It still made you feel weird. You didn’t want to talk about it. But you told him that you were supposed to think about whether or not you really wanted to learn Judaism and come back next week. Danny said he’d try and help you come up with an answer but you didn’t think that was right.

Because that was what the man had said. If you wanted to do this it had to be for you. And so you told Danny thanks-but-no-thanks. That you’d try and get it right on your own. And so you tossed and turned that night trying to think about it. Drifted off in class the next day thinking about it. Ate lunch with Danny quietly and sat down on the grass during recess while he played kickball with the other kids. Frowned at Amber when you caught her making faces at you.

She was Christian. You’d remembered seeing her at church. And she talked all the time about how her parents put _so_ much money in the collection plate. And that made God like them more or something.

You wondered to yourself how someone that God liked so much more than everyone else ended up acting like she did. How the other kids that went to church too were all nasty and mean. But Danny was nice. Nicer than the rest of them. Danny’s family was nice.

Was that because they were Jewish? And because all the other kids weren’t? Were they taught something else? -like that hell wasn’t real? And that they wanted to just be really good people- to be good to one another- like how Danny was always good to you- and then they would enter that _Olm_ place...

The ball the boys had been playing with rolled your way, kicked too hard by one of the bigger kids. Danny came trotting over to get it so you reached over and took hold before handing it up to him. He smiled at you. “You okay?”

“Dan come on you’re wasting time!”  
“Get away from her she has cooties!”

The other boys hollered for him but he just turned back to stick his tongue out at them and blow a raspberry before looking at you again. So you smiled up at him. “I’m okay. Promise.”

Next Sunday when Danny went to Hebrew school and you sat on the benches in the Synagogue, Rabbi Roubal came to sit with you quietly for a few moments. You gathered all your courage together before looking up at him and finding yourself smiling then, too. “I wanna learn Judaism.”

Even though he grinned back just a little he tipped his head to the side. “Are you sure? You have to be very sure about this.” Because it was serious.

And you understood that. So you nodded firmly. “I’m sure!”

He stood from the bench and offered his hand so you took it. “They’re a little ahead of you but I think maybe sitting in will be good for you. You’re a smart girl.” He walked you downstairs to the class, opened the door for you while the teacher was talking and the kids were sitting and listening. You walked in through to the back, sat down next to Danny.

His eyebrows went up but he looked happy. You just put a finger to your lips to indicate quiet. Because you wanted to hear what the teacher had to say.

You wanted to learn.


End file.
